The boys are standing in the doorway, both breathing hard, both looking pained and scared and shaky. Sam goes forward to ask how he is and a nurse pushes them out of the room. Dean calls out that Bobby’s their uncle and asks about getting the bullet out of his head. The nurse tells them that if they can get him stable, and if it’s in a place they can get to, and if the swelling goes down, and if….
Sam: …if he lives that long.
The nurse pulls the curtain and the boys are left on the other side. *deep breath*
Back in Bobby’s head, Rufus opens the coffin and the ghost suddenly appears. Her neck is bloody – which I thought was weird because she committed suicide. Did she cut her own throat? Gah! The ghost sees Bobby, calls him a heartbreaker, and plunges her hand into his chest. In the real world, Bobby crashes and the boys hear this, watching the shadows move behind the curtain, both not breathing quite right, both looking downright shattered.
Dean looks back over his shoulder at Sam and the look on Sam’s face had me wanting to hug him. He looked so lost and scared.
In the dream, Rufus cuts through the ghost with iron, saving Bobby, but the ghost shows back up behind Rufus and throws him. Bobby burns the bones, but Rufus is out. Real Bobby is finally stable-ish (heard them say BP was 130/90). Dream Bobby is all, of course this is the one job you damn near got yourself killed on. Which is perfect, really. His brain automatically sought out the one piece of information he needed from the one person he knew could give it to him – his partner. I loved it.
In the real world, the doc comes out to Dean and says that Bobby is stable for the moment, but they’ll just have to see. Dean turns around, looking broken, and glances at Sam, who is trembling and near tears against the wall. Dean’s face softens a bit looking at his brother. As big as he is, as much as he’s been through, Sam’s still Dean’s little brother. And going through this together…for a moment I could see that Dean realized as great as his own pain was, Sam was in pain, too. And that hurt him to see.
Plus, last time someone died on them in a hospital, Sam was on his own for a lot of it – Dean trying to avoid his own Reaper. This had to be bringing back some memories for Sam.
Next time we see Dream Bobby, he’s standing outside somewhere and he sees that same dirt-smeared kid, asking him why he’s making like a white rabbit all over the place. Wants to know who he’s running from…and then he realizes he knows that kid. Before he can do anything about that, though, a nurse wheels Rufus out of the hospital (and Rufus is flirting with the nurse). Rufus sees Bobby and laughs, telling him not to sit shiva for him yet (I’d almost forgotten that Rufus was Jewish…I liked that they wove that into the dialog).
Bobby wants to know what Rufus said about his near-death experience…which Rufus hadn’t actually told him about yet.
Rufus: What are you all riled up about, Paco?
Bobby pushes and Rufus tells him that he just kept opening doors until he found the right one. He went deep – like crap you do not want to think about deep. The way out was through his worst memory. He tells Rufus that he’s in a coma right now (which, of course, Rufus doesn’t believe at first) and that he has to get to that door and get through it – but the reason he gives isn’t because I want to live but because I have to give this info to Sam and Dean. His thoughts are on the boys. *rubs heart*
Bobby: I’m dying!
Rufus: You sure?
Rufus: Well I’ll be a prima ballerina. You trying to tell me I’m just one of your memories?
The world starts to shake and Bobby knows the Reaper is getting close. He tells Rufus he needs his partner on this, so Rufus agrees to go with him. Tells him to aim for his worst memory.
Bobby: I’ve got a metric-ton of ‘worst.’
Awww, Bobby. *sad*
Rufus: How come killer bride called you a heart breaker? You’re a family man if I ever saw one.
Bobby: Thanks for narrowing things down.
Bobby goes back to his memory of Karen, only now she’s in a robe and is having a fight with him – she’s moving through the memories of that fight, and though he stays completely silent the whole time, it’s obvious from her reactions that the other him had said things back to her.
Karen: I hate you! Everything was a lie! Our whole life. Our vows. You knew I wanted kids. You would be a good dad. What does that even mean, you break everything you touch?! What kind of excuse is that?!
She turns and steps on the broken glass of wine from earlier, cutting her foot. She sits on the bed, clutching her bleeding foot, then turns and yells at him to go away saying he broke her heart. *sniff*
Bobby (very soft, very broken): Just so you know, I’m sorry. I never stopped being sorry.
Rufus: Man, I thought you’d want a gang of rugrats. So…how long after this…?
Bobby: Did she get possessed? Three days.
I have to go back to the episode where the dead came back to life because I could have sworn that version of Karen looked a lot older than this one. But I could be wrong.
Bobby: Biggest regret of my life. This fight. You’d think it was when I had to stab her to death. But all through that, I kept thinking we never got to get past this. If I’d have known, I’d have said anything she wanted to hear.
Regret has a hard core and jagged edges and it sits right in the center of your gut and it cuts through you every day, slowly. There are things in my life I regret – things I wish right now were different simply because what if…. It’s easy to say that we should live our life like each day is our last as far as how we treat people, but as fragile, human people, that’s not always a possibility. And my heart just hurt for Bobby in this moment. Especially because what we find out about him later – with that moment in his life, he thought this was his worst memory…that just showed how very much he loved Karen.
Rufus reminds him to try the door, so he does, stepping into a bright light…and he’s outside, at a park, Rufus with him.
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