At the hospital, Lisa is hooked up to machines and Dean and Ben are flanking her looking numb and sad. Dean looks over at Ben and says, very softly, that he’s sorry.
Ben gets up and walks out and Cas is suddenly standing there.
Dean (his voice empty): What do you want? She’ll be dead by midnight.
And I remembered that Cas hadn’t found them for him. Hadn’t saved them as he said he would. Not that Dean agreed to the terms of Cas’ request. But this is what I’d wanted in a way – less angel intervention. I mean, it doesn’t stay that way in this situation, but…I wonder. I wonder if Dean would be better off if Cas hadn’t come to him in this moment. If nature had been allowed to take its course. I mean, he still loses them. Just…wondering is all.
Cas: I’m sorry.
Dean (sounding a bit like a child himself): I don’t care. It’s too little, too late.
Cas: Regardless, I didn’t come for you.
He moves over to Lisa and places his hand on her head, saying she’s fine now and would wake soon. Dean stands, close to tears.
Cas: I said I’m sorry, and I meant it.
Dean (choked up, forcing out the words): Thank you. I…wish this changed anything.
Cas: I know. So do I. All else aside, I just wanted to fix what I could.
Oh, the ending of this friendship, this brotherhood…it’s so sad. It’s not what I’d hoped for after watching everything through Cas’ eyes last episode. I suppose if I make myself, I can see why they are taking Cas down this road – turning it back to all the brothers have is each other. Which is both cool and completely tragic. They are destined to have such a lonely life, these two brothers. I would love more for them – and at the same time, I love that their unity is returning. It’s…confusing to say the least.
But I am missing Cas already. The one-liners of uncertainty he’d throw our way. I’d grown accustomed to it. And it’s going to be a strange change in Season 7. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. Sorry.
Cas begins to walk from the room and Dean stops him, asking him to do one more thing for him. I knew exactly what he was going to ask, and I saw his logic and realized I’d known the minute he’d asked Ben to pick up the gun back in the warehouse that this was the only choice for him, the only way he could live with himself. But it hurt. It hurt on his behalf.
Moments later, Lisa wakes up and Ben is sitting by her, watching her. He tells her that they were in a car accident and she’s like, omg are you okay which would be any mother’s first reaction. He says he’s fine but she hit her head pretty hard. Dean, hovering outside the door, knocks on the frame. Lisa looks over and there’s a flicker of interest when she sees him (I mean, what woman wouldn’t look at him like that) but no recognition. Ben asks who he is.
Dean: I’m Dean. The guy who hit you.
Lisa (in a small voice): Oh.
Dean: I…lost control for a moment. I just…wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m real happy you two are okay. Glad…your life can get back to normal now.
Lisa (smiling at him): We’re okay. So that’s what’s important.
Dean gives them a shaky smile that’s happy and sad all at once.
Dean: I’ll leave you two alone. (He looks at Ben) You take care of your mom.
He turns away and there are tears in his eyes. Not once this whole time does he let them fall, though. He has to pause and brace himself against the wall as if someone just punched him in the gut. He pulls in a shaking breath and that’s when I realized I was crying. He may not have let them fall, but I did.
This is the woman – the family – that he thought of when he was making a choice to die. This is the family that his brother made him promise to go to after he made the choice to die. This is the family that sheltered him through a year of nightmares and loneliness, the helped him put the pieces of his shattered self back together again, that brought him into their home and made him feel worthy of love for a brief time. This is the family that he chose his brother over. This is the family that he left to protect. This is the family that was his only — only — contact with peace and hope outside of the only life he’s ever known.
And he has to remember all of that. He has to remember everything.
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