Cas is sitting on a stone bench in a snow-covered woods with what looked like flowers around him. He’s looking at his hands and speaking aloud as he thinks back to some of his first memories. It’s unclear who he’s speaking to—and for the longest time (the whole episode, in fact) I had it in my head that he was sitting in a cemetery, talking to a headstone of someone’s grave. Part of my brain spent a good amount of time trying to figure out who Castiel would bare himself to in such a manner.
He recalls a ‘fish’ heaving itself onto shore and being told not to step on it (why anyone would want to step on a fish, I’m not sure) because there were big plans for it. He recalls the Tower of Babel (all 37 feet of it) falling and the ensuing wrath, but then…dry dung can only be stacked so high. Heh.
He remembers Cain and Abel, David and Goliath, Sodom and Gomorrah. And he recalls the most remarkable event that never came to pass—averted by two boys, an old drunk, and a fallen angel. Team Free Will FTW!
As we watch the emotionally wrenching end of Swan Song again—with Sam taking hold of Lucifer, Dean beat to a bloody pulp, the rings, the hole in the world, and Sam and Adam falling inside—Cas’ Voice Over says that they ripped up the story and rules and destiny—leaving nothing but freedom and choice. Returning to Cas’ face, he looks up slightly, wondering if he’s made the wrong choice. But then pauses and says he’s getting ahead of himself.
Still glancing down he implores, “Let me tell you my story.”
And then, in a directional choice that I found incredibly impactful, he looks directly at us. Directly at me. And he says, “Let me tell you everything.”
That was a powerful plea—not just for this character to whomever he was confessing to, but from the writers to us. Don’t stop believing in us…don’t give up on us…there’s a plan here now…there’s a path we’re all headed down…let us show you what we’ve been hiding from you.
I decided to listen. But then…I never really had a choice. My hero’s journey is far from over. And I can’t—I won’t—break from him before the end.
It’s night and Dean’s driving alone in the Impala—sans music, which was unfortunate. Cas suddenly appears, startling Dean. I don’t think I could ever get used to that sudden appearance next to me either. Cas asks him if he’s okay, says he just wants to check in. Dean wants to know if there was any word on Satan Jr. being alive, to which Cas evasively answers that he’s still looking and adds to the lie with a, “I don’t understand how Crowley could have tricked me.”
I’ve never been a good liar. My eyes give me away. Not that I’ve tried very often—mostly it’s when I fear that the truth would hurt the person more than finding out that I lied. I can tell a good story, though. The thing I realized early on in life was that the difference between a lie and a story is that one blends truth in with the falsehood and makes it hard to keep track of what’s fact and what’s fiction.
Dean gives Cas the benefit of the doubt saying, “He’s a tricky sonuvabitch. What matters now is finding him, ripping his head off and shoving it up his ass.”
Cas asks if he’s found anything and wants to know where Sam is. Dean says that Sam is tracking a djinn in Omaha and he’s on his way to meet up with him. My head quirked at that—it wasn’t that I didn’t buy Sam hunting on his own (because actually, that sounds like a totally plausible way to keep doing their jobs and have any hope of having actual lives), but I didn’t buy it right now, with the threat of Crowley and the constant, gnawing fear of Sam’s wall falling.
Regret heavy in his voice, Cas tells Dean he’d come if he could. Dean nods quickly, saying he gets it. No worries.
Dean: But…you’ll call, right? If you get into real trouble?
The look he gives the angel is at once cautious and caring. Cas doesn’t answer, he just leaves. Dean looks back at the road and exhales wearily.
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