I don’t know if it was in an effort to make Bobby feel better about something that had been out of his control, to forgive himself for killing Gwen, to absolve Sam for killing Samuel. I don’t know if it was because he realized that his hatred for Samuel and what he’d done to them was suddenly irrelevant in the grand scheme of monster possessions. I don’t know if it was because he needed to find a final way to tell Sam “it’s not your fault” and have his brother believe him.
Maybe he was just tired. Maybe he’d lost one too many friends. Maybe he felt that he’d cheated death one too many times recently and he wanted to meet his end—whenever it was—knowing that the two people who mattered most in the world knew that they were square with him. Maybe he just needed some forgiveness himself—of himself—and the only way he could get it was to give it.
Dean has shown an amazing capacity to forgive those he loves—from his father to his brother to Cas to Bobby. He never asks for it in return; rather he beats himself down, thinking he isn’t worthy of sitting at the Braeden’s dinner table, thinking he’s a killer…. But after all that had happened since they thwarted the Apocalypse, the moment he got his brother back, all was forgiven inside of him. Sam was back; that’s all that mattered.
And now he’s said it outright.
Part of me still wants more from Sam about that year. Either for him to find out (without the Wall of Sam tumbling down, if that’s possible) or for him to see the ramifications—like seeing Dean react to the sight of Samuel. I kinda think that Sam wants that, too. He needs to find his own forgiveness, his own atonement. Having a clean slate from his brother is nice and appreciated, but Sam’s tenacious and he has his own mind about things and I don’t think he’s going to be able to let this go.
But…this speech does help me wrap my head around their ability to put the fact that they killed people behind them for the sake of the hunt. And it also gives the writers a little more room to write about the many threads they still have blowing in the wind without having to focus so much on the emotional arc (though if they are the caliber of writers I believe them to be, they should be able to touch on both).
Bobby pours some Johnny Walker Black (I think, right?) on Rufus’ grave, looking close to tears. The boys walk quietly away as Bobby drinks a shot for his friend, allowing him a moment to say a quiet goodbye.
So, we won’t see them again until Tax Day (for those of us in the States). April 15th is a long wait. And those previews looked awesome set to that cool, clicky beat like the York Peppermint Patty commercials. It had to have been several episodes smushed together, but I know I glimpsed that Western a few of you mentioned to me. So. Pumped.
Thanks for reading and for sticking with me this season, riding the emotional tidal wave as we follow our heroes.
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