Understandably, Sam wants to try to make up for the bad things he did when he was RoboSam. It’s part of who he is, part of the soul that we love. He would never have gone there or done these things with a soul and knowing that he did without one is…well, I can imagine it’s like finding out you have a split personality and one of you is a serial killer and one of you is a priest. The priest will constantly work to atone for a sin he never even committed…even though…he kinda did. It’s an effed up way to live and Sam has no choice.
He has no choice because Dean had no choice. He had to save Sam or kill him, right? Except killing him wouldn’t just be ending Sam’s life on Earth and his connection to Dean, it would be damning the real Sam to eternity in Hell. How could Dean, whom the show has established (over and over and over and then one more time) has really one purpose in life—protect Sam, take care of Sam—possibly let that happen?
So Dean is trying to do what is seemingly impossible—get Sam to listen to him. Sam isn’t rebelling to be problematic; he’s not purposely trying to break down the wall. But the thing I wish they’d managed to wedge in there somehow is that the reason Sam should have trusted Dean on this isn’t simply because Dean is his big brother and only wants the best for him and would (and has) die to protect him.
It’s because Dean has been there.
Dean doesn’t want him to remember Hell because he does. He does and he lives with it—somehow—and he knows how horrendous it is and how the ugly weight of it makes you want to scoop out your insides and light them on fire. And Dean knows that the warning that Sam could be comatose or a blubbery shell of a human is very real. Dean barely survived 40 Hell-years. And he came back beaten and broken and it took an Apocalypse (and a year in the arms of a woman who accepted him) for Dean to even find the strength to want to get up in the morning.
Sam was there longer. And with memories like that…even if he didn’t become a vegetable, Dean has no idea how to help his brother with this. Because he had no idea how to help himself. And no one else helped him. He just…survived. He’s truly, genuinely scared and for serious good reason.
Okay, sorry. ANYWAY. Dean’s trying to convince Sam to leave by reminding him of Dad’s rule about never using the same crapper twice. Meaning, of course, that hunters don’t hit the same town twice because they generally leave a mess behind.
Sam’s like, “This creature is walking around because of me. Dad also said you finish what you start.”
Total aside? I dug that they were both quoting their dad to each other.
Dean is exasperated. Sam says he gets it and Dean’s all, “Do you?”
Sam: You’re afraid I’ll stroll down memory lane, kick the wall down, Hell comes through, and I’m a drooling mess on the floor.
Dean: It’s not a joke.
No sh*t, Sam. Dean’s face is closed off in that moment but his eyes are screaming at his brother. Sam argues that what’s happening now is happening because he screwed up and he has to fix it—he points out that Dean would do the same thing.
About 25 different emotions cross Dean’s face before he manages to rein himself in and say calmly, “All right.”
The first time Dean gave in to Sam I was wary. The second time, I was filled with dread.
So, Dean gets suited up and heads to Nicole Handler’s apartment to talk to her roommate. He asks probing questions, all rather vague, but then sees an FBI business card in a bowl of other business cards on the kitchen table. It happens to be for an Agent Rourke. He finds out that the Agent came by several times to talk to Nicole. And the nature of their conversations were…loud. And athletic.
Dean’s expression is very much a silent sonofabitch.
Okay, so, RoboSam got around.
Another aside—I could be wrong, but I think all the women that RoboSam slept with were brunettes, weren’t they? Even the hooker. To me, they all looked somewhat alike. And…they also all looked a little like Ruby2. Just a casual observation that I’m sure means nothing.
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