Later, they’re in the bar where Sam had been watching Brennan the night before and are drinking some coffee. Or something.
Dean: On top of demons, angels, ghosts, skinwalkers…. If aliens are real, what’s next? Hobbits?
Well…you already have the Rings….
Sam tosses up a quick look at their waitress and Dean calls him out on giving her the silent howya doin’ when their reality is falling down around their ears. And then we have another interesting conversation—this one I think is foreshadowing Sam reneging on his “let’s get my soul back” declaration. I said then that his wanting his soul back knowing how much pain it would cause him was pretty big…but I don’t think that he really got it then. Not in an intellectual, knowledgeable way. I mean, it’s not your head that feels pain. And I’m talking non-physical pain.
This is kinda where I found myself getting further intrigued about the path they’re taking Sam’s character and why I’m hoping that all of my confusion of how and why he’s reacting or not reacting the way I’d think someone without a soul would react will eventually pay off. He said he was that other Sam for a long time, and he wants to get him back. Dean certainly wants to get his brother back. But since all Sam has is his head, truly understanding the implications of things take awhile to really sink in.
There are things you know are right are wrong deep inside of you—you know it with absolute certainty—but when called to the carpet, you can’t adequately say why you know it. You can’t always cite a law or a commandment or a reason. You just know. And it’s that level that Sam can’t get to. As he begins to further understand and develop true knowledge about what it’s like to have a soul, I think he’s going to take back his assertion of wanting to get it back.
Because he won’t see the reason to voluntarily feel that kind of pain or cloud his thinking with emotion. And simply doing it “for Dean” won’t be an option because he doesn’t truly care about him.
Back at the bar/diner place, Sam wants to know if someone has no soul, and their brother has been abducted, and they’ve followed every lead and are basically at a dead end, why is it better to sit in the dark and suffer when he could be having sex with the Hippie Chic. After all, he’d be having sex in the dark…. *giggle*
Dean: If you had a soul, your soul wouldn’t let you.
Sam: You’re saying a soul equals suffering.
Sam: Like all those millions of times you almost call Lisa.
Dean – silent.
Sam: So…suffering is a good thing?
Dean: It’s the only game in town.
And that’s it right there—how can you tell someone who blissfully feels no pain that it’s better to ache inside than be empty? Once upon a time, Dean wanted to feel nothing. He wanted it with every broken piece of his shattered heart. Until he met an angel-turned-human who told him how empty her emotion-free life was. So empty that she chose to fall and become human just to know what it was like to mourn and rejoice and thrill and ache and enjoy. *ponders further*
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