SO…part of me wondered if he really did want help—especially since he’d just said he was a better hunter than ever before—or if he was just saying that as part of his “human cover.” But then…why save Dean from the djinn himself when he, as we said, he could have sent another hunter?
He came back to Dean because he wanted Dean back in his life. Because he’s known for a long time that he’s effed up and family or not, he doesn’t trust the Campbells with this information. He tore Dean out of that life that he made him promise he’d live because he needed his brother—but my problem with that is…once Dean was there with him…he still waited to tell him the truth!
I don’t know.
I really struggled with believing that he wanted help. Especially after the subterfuge and lies. If he knew there was a cure, why not make a plan WITH his brother to enter the nest as a vamp—or, heck, why not volunteer to go himself??
He may not be evil, but his actions have been wicked.
Veritas said he wasn’t human. But it wasn’t because he is a monster. It was (as we saw confirmed in the previews) because the essence of Sam is missing: his soul. His compassion. The heart of him—the thing that causes him to fear and pause and love and mourn and wonder and appreciate and forgive and seek forgiveness…the thing that heard his brother gasp, “I’m here, Sam. I won’t leave you,” when Lucifer was using Sam’s hands to kill Dean…wasn’t there anymore.
What makes us human? Our souls.
Dean listened to Sam’s gasped confession, looked at his hands raised in surrender, his eyes folded just the right way to illustrate desperation, and he turned away, setting the knife down. I so, so afraid Sam was going to jump him. I didn’t want Dean to turn his back—I totally didn’t trust Sam in that moment. But then Dean caught me completely by surprised and turned around with a powerhouse punch, cracking Sam hard across the jaw. Sam staggered back, dazed. Dean hits him again, knocking him to the ground and I was still surprised.
But then he kept hitting him—again and again—until Sam’s face was bloody and he was unconscious and I realized I’d shifted from surprise to relief. It was…strangely cathartic to watch Dean lay into his brother like that. It hurt, but it also felt good.
Each punch was for something Sam couldn’t take back and Dean couldn’t fix: returning from Hell and not telling him…pulling him away from Lisa and Ben with no warning…dumping him into the middle of the Campbells’ with no preparation…allowing a vamp to turn him…lying to him.
I don’t condone violence. It doesn’t ever solve anything. But in some situations…it gets you a little closer to finding a solution. And this time? No words would have sufficed.
Trust was a ghost before this and now the bones have been burned.
We have some answers, and we have a lot more questions. Just as we thought we would. But at least the trail head for the path to healing between the brothers has been pointed out to us—perhaps not the healing that takes things back to where they started. I really don’t see how that’s possible or believable. Not ever what they’ve been through.
But Dean has nothing left to go back to (he thinks *grips thin hope*) and he can focus on The Case now with his whole self as he used to do. And now that Sam has finally come clean(ish) they can start there and…work through what happens next.
At least we get a few more weeks before they leave us bereft.
Thanks for hanging with me.
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