Inside Rufus’ cabin, Cas and Sam are painting “hide from angels” sigils on the door and windows – just not the “banish angels” sigil, otherwise Cas will be banished. Dean takes Kevin down to the basement where he’s safer saying he’ll fix some dinner once they’re settled in upstairs. Kevin looks around at all the weapons.
Kevin: This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon.
Okay, Kev. No more cable for you.
Dean: It’s not a sex torture (pauses while holding some big machete thing in his hand)…just, get over here. Sit down and read, would you?
Upstairs, Sam is sitting at the table and Cas is near him, looking at some kind of statue thingy.
Cas: You seem troubled. ‘Course, that’s the primary aspect of your personality, so I sometimes ignore it.
HA! I’m sorry, but that surprised a laugh out of me.
Sam (frowning, and turning to Cas): Ok, um. Right now, I’m just wondering about you.
Cas: You’re worried about the burden I lifted from you.
Sam: I think I was done for. Do you…see Lucifer?
Cas: I did at first. That was a projection of yours, I think. An aftertaste. Now I see…everything.
He looks up at Sam and for a moment he’s the old Cas. The one we got used to. It’s in his eyes, the folds around his mouth, the slope of his shoulders.
Cas: I was done for, too. The weight of all my mistakes…I was lost. Until I took on your pain.
Oh, interesting. I wish he’d been able to tell that to Dean. This reveals a lot about how Cas feels and felt. It shows that maybe he wasn’t playing Sorry as Dean thought. Maybe he just couldn’t say it any other way.
Sam: I know you never did anything but try to help. And I’m grateful. We’re all grateful. And we’re gonna help you get better. No matter what it takes.
Okay, so I get why Sam said that – he feels responsible for the change in Cas, for the way he is now. He knows it’s because of what Cas shifted away from him. And no matter why Sam was like that to begin with, he doesn’t want someone else carrying his burden. He’s too proud for that, even it if saved his life. He wants to be able to help, to fix it somehow, if only to make himself feel better about it. I can relate to that.
But…Sam is very mercurial. Earlier he was saying to Meg, “What about what he owes us,” and then it’s, “I know you never did anything but try to help.” It makes it hard for me to know when he’s speaking from his heart, and when he’s just trying to make the best of the situation. Does he really feel like Cas owes them something? Or does he really understand that Cas was only trying to help, however misguided his actions may have been? Or is it both? Can it be both? *must ponder*
Cas: What do you mean, better?
Hmm…Cas likes watching the bees.
Down in the basement with Kevin, the kid is writing in a notebook as he translates the tablet and Dean is nearby in a chair, nodding off. Then Kevin’s vision blurs and he starts to hyperventilate about being a prophet and Dean calms him down, getting up, grabbing a paper bag and putting it over his nose and mouth like he’s already done it a few times.
Dean: I don’t know, man. What can I say? You’ve been chosen. And it sucks. Believe me. There’s no use asking ‘why me’ ‘cause the angels don’t care. I just think they don’t have the equipment to care. Seems like when they try…it just breaks them apart.
GUH. *rubs heart* That was so real it hurt.
Kevin: I just wanted to be the first Asian-American President of the United States.
Dean (serious, and a little sad): Then do your homework.
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